Don Mann: Focusing on my Craft

Wednesday, Apr. 07, 2004 - 3:28 a.m.

It's been a long time since I've updated, a full week in fact. There really isn't a terrible lot going on in my day-to-day life right now. In the broad spectrum overall however, some major changes are coming in the near future. It's just 5 days now until my big move to college, and my departure from these familiar surroundings which for the past year I've happily called my home. I mean, I haven't exactly boarded up all my windows and nailed measuring tapes to my walls, speculating on whether they're slowly moving in on me, but I haven't exactly been the most secure...

Today I went to a concert; Fantomas, Melt Banana, and End. It was not a bad experience, except perhaps for my inner ear which is now screaming at me because of the abuse it had taken from the decibels which bombarded it for the last 6 hours. Fantomas was no letdown, and neither were the other musicians. However, that was not too significant an experience, so I won't bother describing it in further detail.

As cliche and passe as it may sound, I feel empty. Perhaps it's the dumbening and numbing of my senses for the anticipated two years of study I plan to embark upon which so subconsciously affects me. I had it set in my mind that I woul go to college, and focus entirely on my studies, forgetting about (the tattered remains of) my social life entirely and just working hard and getting through. I'm starting to feel a slight apprehension that this may be a bad course of action to take, but I suppose there is no tangible harm awaiting my move, so I'm going to ride out this storm as planned.

I met some interesting, intriguing, and also some downright wonderful people at my time attending UNHm, I hope McIntosh is no different. Yes Kat, that last line does refer to you along with a handful of others. You were one of the most fascinating and delightful people I've met in all my days, just want to make sure you realize that.

It's strange and exciting meeting people without any prior knowledge of them. When you make a friend through a friend, you get some warning, some background info before you embark into any kind of relationship. However, meeting people out of the blue, in the dark, you rely entirely on your instincts, your observations, and in many cases pure luck to guide you. I'm apprehensive and enticed by this new opportunity...I just hope that no matter what I gain something from these experiences, whether they be good or bad. Yes, in just 5 short days my life will be turned in a new direction (yes, a DELICIOUS direction) which may or may not change me deeply. I also hope deeply that the way it turns me does not offend those with whom I already relate, but if it comes to it I will not sacrifice personal development for the sake of mending other people's judgements. If a new me springs forth from college, a Don which doesn't appeal to you, a man who you can no longer tolerate, there will be nothing left for you to do but give up. Give up, for my sake.

Chances are if you're reading all the way to here, you're someone I care about or someone who in some way cares about me, so for our current situation I thank you...goodbye. Goodbye is one of the hardest words to say, because it leaves you no certainty that you'll ever see the person again...

Delve Into The Past - Onward Into The Future