Don Mann: Focusing on my Craft

Sunday, Nov. 09, 2003 - 5:13 p.m.

Feeling useless, or maybe just used. Feeling frustrated. I feel like maybe I've developed some kind of speech impediment or some weird accent that makes my words a little bit less meaningful. I'm a ghost in my own home. I can come and go and no one really notices. Is this the beginning of the fading away of my human form? I could stand up and shout, but my words wouldn't reach an ear, they falter soundless and meaningless. I used to be funny. I used to be a moving and charismatic speaker. I used to be able to convey my thoughts to others. Now every word I say is ignored, like when the kid no one likes and everyone wishes weren't around decides to input into the conversation. Like the squeaky high pitched voice of a kid sister nagging at the older brother's friends...no matter how pertinent the information, everyone hears but no one listens.

I hate it. Or am I just hated?

Here my words seem to have some kind of impact. Not just wind moving over vocal chords, not just vibrations in the air. I see my words in black and white, text and html that actually takes up space, text that actually exists somewhere. Knowing that I can make something exist somewhere makes me feel like perhaps I too exist. Reality sure isn't very reassuring.

Delve Into The Past - Onward Into The Future