Don Mann: Focusing on my Craft

Saturday, Jul. 10, 2004 - 2:25 a.m.

After three long weeks, I'd say that my life is changing for the better. I WOULD say that, but I am not totally convinced yet. In this moment I am alright. I don't feel like hell is earth and the hottest spots are concentrated around me. I attribute this to my love of making people happy. I'll explain what I mean.

In the last two weeks I've made quite a few people happy, if only for a little while. Specifically, I've made the people I care about most happy. I'm a strange breed of human, this Don Mann, a creature whose only pleasure is derived from seeing other people pleased at his hands. What terrible consequences tear at me from the inside when I leave me alone with myself... The criticisms, the lack of self-esteem, the hideous self-image. The truth is, I haven't been alone much these two weeks, and when I was alone I was totally miserable. Perhaps the joy I felt was a direct result of the fact that when I am with my friends I don't have to worry about dealing with my least favorite person of all...myself.

Meh, either way, I sound like a loser now, and I'm sure all of you are just dying to know what I did over this vacation of mine, so I'll tell it.

Highlights include but are not limited to; camping on an island, getting drunk, getting drunker, falling in lust with someone, falling out of lust with someone, loving someone deeply, hating someone deeply, getting my ass handed to me by friends at board games, blowing off friends' get togethers in order to wallow in self-pity, spending time with people I want to get to know better, cracking down people's defense mechanisms and barriers, being a foolish romantic, not being romantic enough, spending time in a hot tub, attempting to kill my friends with explosives, dodging explosives meant to kill me fired by my friends, being a "drama queen", being emotionless and apathetic, laughing, crying, having sex, fighting, arguing, conversing, playing guitar, avoiding my apartment, forgetting about school, planning my parenthood, planning my escape, being a geek, being a vagrant, fitting in and being exiled.

I'd say that's what school vacations are supposed to be like...maybe I'm wrong. Come to think of it, you could easily put "Maybe I'm wrong" after everything anyone ever says...maybe I'm wrong.

Delve Into The Past - Onward Into The Future